Jack Bellamy & Jacqui Mercier
The Tower
Grosse Pointe South HS
1st Place
Division 2, News Writing
In-Depth Feature
*A source in this story was used anonymously to protect their identity
“I looked up to him, I respected him a lot, and I wanted to be his friend. It was the classic freshman wanting to be up with the big dog kind of thing. When he left for college, we started texting a lot more. Then, when he came back for winter break, he came over to my house. We were watching a movie, and then he just started touching me. He was on top of me. Things just kept escalating further and further, and all I wanted to do was say no, but it’s really hard to say no when somebody’s tongue is down your throat.”
According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, every 98 seconds an American citizen is sexually assaulted.
When Jane Doe* said she was assaulted, she was only a sophomore at South. Following her assault, she said she was too scared to speak out. But, with the recent #MeToo movement, there has been a surge of women speaking up about sexual harassment and assault.
“The aim of assault is to make victims out of us, and, as a survivor, it’s empowering to see other women being brave,” Doe said. “I know it takes an undefinable amount of courage to come forward and speak out against one of the most intimate crimes a person can commit.”
Former South student Logan Cholody ’17 is now a student at Michigan State University (MSU). Cholody said he participated in a march on Jan. 26 this year at MSU to express his support for the survivors, not only of Larry Nassar but also others who have been victimized by sexual assault.
“There are problems with our society, and with South being part of that society it is not exempt from housing predators and survivors,” Cholody said.
According to Vice Principal Cindy Parravano, South is not excused from the issue of sexual harassment, with a few instances reported so far this year.
“I would say we have had a couple of incidences where somebody has come reporting that they have been sexually harassed,” Paravano said. “We have investigated (each report). Consequences were imposed to the full extent of the student book of conduct.”
The student handbook states sexual harassment can include, but is not limited to: “making unwelcome sexual advances or comments of a sexual nature, using words, sounds, looks, gestures or pictures to communicate an unwanted sexual message, showing pictures or drawings of a sexual nature, making demands for sexual favors accompanied by threats or accompanied by promises of preferential treatment, or inappropriately touching another person”. Punishments can vary from a warning to exclusion or expulsion.
“If the student does not want to talk directly to the administration,” Parravano said, “Then there is really nothing that we can do because there really isn’t an official complaint in.”
According to Parravano, when an investigation is launched, administration begins by getting statements from the person who is making the complaint, then they interview the person who has been alleged; in order to make a determination regarding what occurred and what type of consequence, if any, should be imposed.
Lisa Khoury, a school psychologist at South, said sexual harassment in school can occur both physically and verbally.
“Basically touching any part of a girl where it is not wanted, or even vice versa when a girl does it to the guy (is harassment),” Khoury said. “It can be really subtle, and sometimes it’s difficult to know if it is happening or not happening. It can also be more than just a touch, it can be verbal with a word or phrase that could be offensive.”
High school relationships and “grey zones” within them can lead to instances of sexual harassment in the teen years, according to principal Moussa Hamka.
“Dating and relationships, sexual relationships, always come with challenges and it’s not uncommon for young adolescents and young adults to have some challenges,” Hamka said. “Navigating those relationships and putting healthy boundaries in place as to what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable is important.”
According to Doe, she looked up to the man that assaulted her, and had a stereotypical freshman crush on a senior. She claims this type of relationship is commonly portrayed in media and entertainment today, and it can lead to sexual violence similar to what she faced.
“Nearly every high school movie has been about a younger girl falling in love with an older guy and going on adventures with him; basically she is falling head over heels for him,” Doe said. “Because of that stigma and that stereotype, so many people strive to have that kind of relationship. But it is not like that: that is Hollywood, and this is real life.”
Speaking up about sexual assault and violence is an extremely difficult step for victims to make out of fear that their statements will be viewed as invalid, but not speaking up can have large effects on a victim’s mental health, according to Khoury.
“People who have experienced sexual assault are made to feel embarrassed; they might have tried to tell someone, but when no one listens to them, they stop reporting,” Khoury said. “It’s easier for people just to not say anything and then move on, rather than make a big deal out of it, which can consume a victim and have an effect on their health, their sleep and concentration.”
The #MeToo movement can be helpful to a victim who is struggling and feels alone and helpless in the world, Khoury added.
“All those girls that were in the trenches, it gives them validation, and even though they might not speak up, they can feel like they are not alone, that it is not just them,” Khoury said. “The #MeToo movement and social media gave people a chance to talk, to talk about sexual things in public, something that is not traditionally done publicly, which is freeing for countless victims.”
Hamka has three young daughters ages 11, nine and six. He said when the #MeToo movement began surfacing, every time it came up on TV he would change the channel to shield his daughters.
However, he said, his eldest daughter soon asked “What is that?”, “What’s sexual harassment?” and “What’s sexual assault?”.
Hamka said this question helped him and his wife identify the movement as an opportunity to talk to their daughters about people making them uncomfortable, about what’s appropriate and what’s not.
“I don’t think I would have had that conversation (without the movement),” Hamka said. “Those are things I don’t recall my dad having conversations with me about.”
According to Doe, no occurrence of sexual harassment or assault is the fault of the victim, neither their appearance or behavior at the time can be blamed.
“I think what people who haven’t experienced sexual assault don’t understand is that it’s never the fault or fate of the victim,” Doe said, “They believe it is the victim’s fault because of their sobriety or their lack thereof. They believe it is the victim’s fault because of what they were wearing or whether they were asking for it.”
According to Doe, people, whether victims or not, need to be aware of their surroundings and what is actually happening around them.
“Victims should know they are not alone and I want them to know that there are so many people who support them,” Doe said. “We can’t allow ourselves to be desensitized because it does happen to the people around us whether you know it or not.”
If you, or someone you know, has faced a situation involving sexual assault, please contact a counselor or the 24/7 RAINN Hotline at (800) 656-4673.