By Jack Myers & Dahlia Vincent
Black & Gold Quarterly
Traverse City Central HS
1st Place
Division 2, News Writing
Human Interest Feature
The BGQ staff provides insight on how to thrive in high school for the new class of freshman
Run in the Hallways
You will be tardy if you are not at least five minutes early to your next class, so once you hear the bell to get out of class, lean forward, put your arms up, and do your best Naruto run. Fill yourself up with anime power and you will become one with the gods of the weeaboos. With your speed and power, the imbeciles that crowd the halls will be no match for you and will shudder in awe at the sight of you. Let’s be honest, everyone loves to be pushed down in the halls. It’s just the best! And if the power of anime doesn’t work for you, remember, deep down we are all track stars waiting to shine. Lace up your spikes because you better be ready to set a world record in the 5 meter dash because getting from one class to another in the C-Building atrium is so far.
Beg upperclassmen to take you off campus at lunch
If there’s one thing juniors and seniors are pleased by, it’s when freshmen they don’t know ask them if they can accompany them on their lunch break. Upperclassmen don’t deal with any pressures or struggles like AP classes, SAT prep, or college applications. As a matter of fact, we all have loads of time to spend tending to your freshmen whims and wants. Although it’s against the rules for freshmen to leave campus without permission, who cares? Getting in trouble and potentially having your open-campus privileges revoked for hauling around freshmen is how every upperclassmen wants to spend their day!
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Break your computer
You know what is essentially free? The technology provided to you by the school. Don’t worry about the fact that our school is a government funded institution or that it only costs a couple hundred dollars, just accept the fact that new Chromebook you have is yours, forever. Go ahead and snap your Chromebook over your knee if you want to have a good laugh or show your pent up frustrations with school. Pry off the keyboard because you know it’s possible. Hit the screen until it cracks because you enjoy watching the lights behind the shattered glass flicker in every color possible. And when you approach Tech Central with your mangled, deconstructed netbook, the person behind the counter may just start tearing up with joy.
Clog the toilets in every bathroom
If you want to leave behind a legacy at Central, be sure to clog the toilets in every bathroom as often as possible. It doesn’t matter how you do it, but there is nothing better than inconveniencing other students and staff, especially when they are in a rush to use the bathroom as quickly as possible, right? If you really want to step up your game, clog the toilets so well the bathrooms flood. There is nothing your classmates want to do more than swim in sewage waste and toilet water in a high school bathroom during class time. Although summer may be over, the bathroom can become a beach and give a glimpse of summer 2018 if you really try.
Steal books from the library if you forget your ID
The library at Central has a vast collection of books for every student’s needs and interests. When you are desperate for that textbook that you totally weren’t given at the start of the year, just take it. After all, those books are essentially free (thanks tax-paying parents). If when you’re walking out you start to hear a beeping sound, that’s just the librarians at the desk’s way of giving you a pat on the back. You’re so smart. It may not make sense to most people to not check out your book, but you have things to do and places to be, checking out that book would be too much time.
Hide a scooter in the locker room ceiling
We’ve all been there. We need to go to the skate park after school, but we can’t lug our scooter around all day, ugh. Obviously, there is a solution for those of us that do not have a vehicle or large enough locker to store it in. Before school, make way to your favorite locker room, remove one of the ceiling tiles, and store your scooter. Later in the day, after your gym or weights class, exercise your acrobatic skills in front of your exhausted peers by climbing atop the lockers and revealing your mind blowing ingenuity: your scooter’s ceiling garage. Don’t mind if you drop the tile on a classmate’s head; school is the perfect place to practice Whack-a-Mole. If you don’t take gym, don’t worry. You can do this in any room at school.
Lock yourself in a bathroom stall
If you’re ever in a class you don’t particularly like, what should you do? Well, you can go to the best place in school, the bathroom! Choose any location that has locking stall doors, preferably one that is far away from your class. Also, ladies, listen up because it is your lucky day. In your F-Building bathroom there is a bathroom stall that will lock you inside on it’s own. No tricks or gimmicks of your own, just go in and let yourself be stuck inside. But gentlemen, you are not in luck, so you must rely on your own wits. Wait inside the bathroom until your class is almost over, so you have enough time to get back and grab your bag. If your teacher asks where you’ve been, tell them about your unfortunate adventure in your bathroom prison.
Yell in the hall
Our school’s student body is known for getting rowdy and full of spirit at events like the Patriot Game, so why not practice our cheers here at school? Go ahead; express your Trojan pride by yelling in the halls whenever and wherever you please. Central is a public school, so it’s your full fledged right to bellow anything whenever you please in the name of school spirit, right? Next time you’re in a hall during class hours when the school is dead silent, please feel free to let go of your bottled-up pride, let it all out. And when you interrupt classes with your booming pride, they aren’t at all annoyed. In fact, you’re reminding them of how much they appreciate their school and its well behaved students.
Freshmen, please understand these “tips” are pointing out exactly what you should not do. Please note the sarcasm as you read. We also hope that you laughed. Here are some real tips that all people, including freshmen should know:
Identify tone – i.e. sarcasm – In fact, being able to identify a writer’s tone is essential in any English class you are thinking of taking here at TCC.
Conquer fear – Don’t let your emotions control you, it is very freeing. Have a fear? Work at chipping away at it, chip by chip, then chunk by chunk, until it no longer exists. You’ll feel happier and more confident about yourself as a result.
Meme, but don’t over meme – Memes are in the blood of a true teenager. However, find a point where you can enjoy an ample amount of memes without negatively impacting your life or grade.
Do what you enjoy regardless what others think – It’s high school, for most of us that means four years here at Central. And if you are like most people, which most of you are, you will likely remain in contact with only a handful of your classmates after you graduate (excluding class reunions). Those that berate you for what you like and who you are do not deserve to dwell in your thoughts, and do not deserve to be feared.